This past week and a half has been trying to say the least. I decided to start this blog at the beginning of the month with the intension of posting as much as possible. Other than using this as an outlet to share my thoughts, interests and poems there is really no set goal at the moment. However, I do have a plan. The plan is to just be myself and have fun without worrying about deadlines, demands, or an audience. I suppose my goal or priority here is to create a space where people feel at home, at ease, inspired, encouraged, and lifted up out of whatever troubles they may be experiencing. Who doesn’t need encouragement, inspiration or that little pick me up at times? I know I certainly do.
Several months prior to An Infinite Light, I was involved in a horrendous car accident. I was a passenger hit head on by a mini van speeding down a turn only lane at the speed of at least 50 miles per hour. He hit us in the front passenger side and pushed us 50 feet from where we were into a sign that read turn only lane. Although I had my seat belt on the air bags in our truck never went off and I hit my head several times during the impact. It happened so fast I didn’t even realize I hit my head until I started screaming and crying, “Owe my head,” while covering and holding my right ear and left temple with my hands. After months of being unable to do much of anything except pray and seek medical treatment, finally, I began to heal. The pain of the injury subsided and I can honestly tell you it wasn’t the medical treatment that allotted this, not by any means. In fact the treatment actually made things physically worse for me but that’s another story.
This was the second time in my 40 years that I was terrifyingly close to death and heard the awakening words, “You should have died.” I am very much alive but I’m beginning to believe death yearns for me. As soon as my pain subsided I began to think about my life which I imagine is typical after something like this. My most prominent thought was that I have wasted so much time worrying about disappointing people that I haven’t done anything with my life that I wanted to do or anything significant to speak of. Sure I have helped people here and there in many ways. Sure I believe I have inspired a few, encouraged some and probably even saved some lives. The thing is there is nothing that I can speak of that I have accomplished with my own inner most purpose. I have had and held on to many dreams that I wished to accomplish, some I gave up on while others haunt me. This is why I decided to create this blog.
Then about a week or so ago while I was writing something for this blog late at night I developed this intense burning irritating tight pain in the back of my head right above the cervical discs I had injured during the accident. I gently placed my hand over the area to feel what was going on and it was hot to touch. I felt a huge bump. From the bump all the way down to my neck was tender. I was in so much pain I soaked in hot bathes, put hot compresses over the site, iced it, I paced around the house all night long into the next afternoon. When I couldn’t take anymore I went into the E.R. The doctor there told me it was just an infection nothing to worry about and sent me away with a five day supply of mild antibiotics. By this time the next evening I had not slept for 4 days and I was scheduled to see my chiropractor. I wasn’t looking forward to being grazed never mind cracked by anyone. My fiancé insisted I go and have the doctor look at my head so reluctantly I did. Our chiropractor referred me to his doctor so I went to see him. This doctor says it is a severe infection that has been growing and developing since my accident. Apparently the bump has been there a while, several months to be exact. During treatment it must have opened up allowing bacteria to enter causing the infection to develop and slowly spread and grow. So for the past week I have been on two very strong antibiotics that didn’t seem to be doing anything until today when I noticed the pain is uncomfortable yet, bearable enough for me to write. The antibiotics are slowly helping but for the past five days I haven’t done a single thing but pray and because of that I am able to be here talking to you in text.
So I’m back to tell you that prayers are the answer, prayer heals and I am giving back with prayer.